At the time of writing this, July 6th 2025, my wife was supposed to be 9 weeks pregnant. But last week, we were told that she had a miscarriage. And just like that, our baby is gone.

This was the first time my wife was pregnant and losing the baby has been very tough for us.
But we are taking the steps to move forward and appreciate that we were blessed with our baby, even if we never got to see them in person.

Here’s 5 things we’ve learned from our first miscarriage, which I hope may help anyone in a similar situation as us:

1. It’s not your fault.

It’s not your fault.
It’s not your partner’s fault.
It’s not because you ate something you shouldn’t have.
It’s not because you didn’t rest enough.
It’s not because you were overly stressed out.

It’s just not any of those things.

Data suggests miscarriages will naturally happen in about 15% of all pregnancies.

Almost all miscarriages are due to chromosomal abnormalities and that’s not anyone’s fault.
This is already decided at the point of fertilization, so it has nothing to do with your actions either.

Don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s not your fault.

2. It’s hard to accept right away and that’s OK

Don’t pressure yourself to feel like you need to get back up right away.
It’s okay to grieve. That’s how you recover.

I broke down the day we learned about our miscarriage and a day later I felt much more stable.
But there are still moments where I can feel my chest tighten up, especially when I’m alone or when I catch glimpses of the baby that we lost. And that’s okay.

It should be a steady process – don’t be afraid to grieve.

3. Your values in life are brought into perspective

Going through a huge life event like pregnancy and miscarriages helps bring into perspective, what you truly value the most in your life. For me, this was my family and their health.

Things like my job and money all became secondary to taking care of my family.

What if I get fired from my job? So be it.
What if I have to cut into my hard earned savings? Who cares.

At this point in time, there is nothing more important to me than being with my wife and supporting her every step of the way, ensuring that she is healthy, both physically and mentally.

4. It helped me realize how much I really wanted a child

I always knew I wanted to have children. I was so excited when I learned my wife was pregnant.
My motivation was at an all-time high, planning for a future with our first child.

But at the same time, it hadn’t quite fully hit me that I was going to be a dad.

After losing the baby and seeing how emotional I’ve become, it’s helped me understand truly how much I wanted to be a dad.

“I really wanted to be a dad”

I knew it would crush my wife to hear me say this, but I knew that this was the reason I was breaking down and had to get it off my chest.

I’m now at a phase where I’m transitioning to motivate myself to do anything to prepare myself for the day I finally do become a dad.

5. Stay Positive, but Don’t Forget

As we grieved, my wife and I agreed that we won’t hold in any emotions about the baby that we’ve lost, so that we can overcome this together – not individually.

We don’t want to make talking about the baby a taboo, especially since we hope to be blessed with another pregnancy soon.

As an example, we had a trip to Korea planned in a couple weeks and we were concerned if my wife would have morning sickness symptoms during our trip.

We don’t have to worry about this anymore, and we like to think that this is our baby telling us to fully enjoy the trip without any other concerns and giving us more time to spend as a couple, before welcoming a new family member into our lives.

We verbalize these thoughts, which helps us to accept and appreicate our baby.

My Takeaways

It’s been a full week since finding out about our miscarriage and only a couple days since my wife’s surgical mangement of the miscarriage.

I still find myself lacking energy and motivation from time to time and that’s a sign that I’m still recovering.

But there’s no doubt that my wife and I have made huge steps towards accepting these circumstances and growing as human beings.

For anyone going through a similar situation

I truly believe that those who have lost a child are the ones that can really appreciate the blessing of pregnancy and giving birth to a healthy child.

Our grieving helps us grow as people, and allows us to be kinder to others who might be going through something similar.

I want to leave you with something my wife said to me this past week:

“God only gives trials to those who can overcome them”

There’s no doubt that losing your baby is devasitating. And it may feel like you’re deep in a hole that you will never get out of.

But remember – you are strong. You have what it takes to continue to move forward, even if they’re baby steps.

And just know that you are not in this alone. Let’s overcome this together.